SOMETIMES LOVE CAN BREAK YOUR HEART

A proud Papou.

Yesterday was my sweet grandson Cayden's 6 month birthday. I thought about him the entire time I was trudging through the snow and blowing (should have listened to Nick and called a cab) freezing rain to work. I thought about the first time I met Nick, how his eyes lit up and sparkled when he told me about his kids, how his eyes teared up when he explained that he wasn't able to have a close relationship with them because of circumstances with his ex-wife.

A photo of Maddie that lives on our mantle.

He was so proud of both of his children, loved them so much, was so hurt and broken...my heart broke...and I fell in love...with all three of them.

My handsome Corbin and Ga'mom & Ga'pop

There have been many times in the years Nick and I have been together that my heart has broken, and my love has deepened. It's usually his daughter, Maddie, little girls have a special grip on a daddies heart, that, very unintentionally, gets him right in the solar plexis. The Father's day phone calls...the "Hi dad, your going to be a grandfather" phone calls, and then there's realizing that his little girl is a grown up Mommy!

A man very much in love.

The strong man that I love can be rendered a very hurt little boy in a big hurry. I know that any parent can relate to what I'm saying. Both of his kids are adults now. Corbin, the adventurer is studing in Senegal. We miss him very much, not that we saw that much of him, but he wasn't half way across the world. He won't be here for our wedding, I had a dream of Corbin being Nick's best man, playing guitar for us (he is amazingly talented) and just hanging out. He is a remarkable young man.

Cayden the apple of my eye.

Maddie is doing the most important thing a woman can do in my opinion, raising a little guy, and from what I've been able to see, 465 miles away, doing an exceptional job of it. I don't believe there has ever been a little boy who has had so many people love him, so many grandparents, step, great and otherwise. I know that I think about him everyday, and miss him, and wish he was big enough to sit down at his Yia Yia's table with a big plate of cookies and a glass of milk and tell me all about his adventures.

"As soon as I can talk, Papou, I have some stuff to tell you."

I know that like Nick, Corbin and Maddie, Cayden will walk all over my heart, that it's going to hurt, and that I will love him more deeply afterwards. That's what true love does...

Sometimes pictures help

it forgives, grows, and lasts. Maddie is a new mom, a new wife, and I guess that I'm really writing this as a love letter to her...her blog...the multi-tasking mama...can break my heart. Love is not easy, if it was it wouldn't be worth much.

I hope that someday we can all get together, Maddie, Parker, Cayden, Corbin, NaNa, PaPa, Papou and Yia Yia. Until that day I will continue to adore this crazy family I have chosen to love, with all of it's cuts and bruises and bumps and warts. Yes, sometimes love can break your heart, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I think I need to call my Daddy!

xo