Some things came up this evening that have me thinking, and feeling incredibly grateful. Love is hard, oh sure it's really easy for the first little while, when you shut out the world and nothing but the two of you are important, but it does become work. I learned the truth of that from my dad at my mom's memorial service, o.k. I know that sounds weird, but they had (and I think still have) an amazing relationship, one that I honestly thought I would never find. Dad said that day that anyone who tells you love is easy, that you won't argue, anyone who tells you that is lying. It's so true!! Nick and I have a great love, and it's because, in part, of the teachers I've had in my life.
Mom and Dad taught me that honesty, openness, communication, respect and a good sense of humor are must haves in a relationship. Did they fight? Heck yes!! Did they always agree? Hell no! Did they always work it out? Thank God yes! They didn't keep secrets, even when sometime I wish they would have, everything was right out there between them.
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They say that with age comes wisdom, I don't know about that, but as I've gotten older, more comfortable in my own skin, and more reflective I've been able to put the lessons people have tried to gift me in proper contexts. Maybe it's the whole "life experience" thing, but I have more ah ha moments now. My Grand parents also taught me about love, I only hope I can be as loving towards my grandchildren as they were to me. I have so many memories of all of them, and now I see that in their actions, they were trying to help turn me into a good person. I have tested the strength of my family's love over the years, like you wouldn't believe, I have given them every reason to give up on me, hell, I have practically begged them to and yet...
Nick says there is no such thing as "unconditional" love. I disagree. Most of my life has been a sociology experiment, and after several years of observation, yes "unconditional" love does exist. The experiment is over, Thank you family for your participation, and for not killing me, I know it wasn't easy.
G'mom taught me that love is patient, I know there were times for her that she wanted to brain my G'pop, I also know she loved him, so she let
alot slide, with so much grace. She would occasionally be pushed to her limit, spew venom at Pop, stew for about 20 minutes, muttering under her breath and then it was over. I never once heard her throw the past at him, that's another big relationship lesson, let the past be, don't keep "tally". I actually heard a strangers argument once that went something like this, " Four years ago you said...". She also taught me to be creative, once the dog got a mole, G'mom asked Pop to take care of it, he didn't, big mistake, she went to his favorite bakery and got one of those pink boxes...yep, she put the mole in it, put it on the freezer in the garage, and told Pop she got him a treat. I was very glad I was hanging out at their house that day. I learned that humor in the heat of anger can be great for a relationship, Pop laughed pretty hard and took care of that mole.
I guess what I'm saying is that, being in love is very hard work, but if you can talk instead of yelling, laugh, be open and honest and learn to tell the difference between the "BIG" stuff and the "little" stuff, let go of the need to be right, be compassionate, listen more than you talk and remember what is really important, then you are well on your way to having what I am lucky enough to have with Nick. We both say that we want to make life easier for each other, to help the other carry his load. More than saying "I love you" we say "thank you".
